Checking out

There is a fire that burns, a fire so bright you have to shield your eyes, but it is trapped.
Caged but not diminished forced to hibernate in rusting armour, the joints stuck, the movements stiff and fractured.
The fire endures its crumbling captivation, smouldering in damp, dark corners.
The fire is what it always was, everything that created it is its constant kindling, it will always burn with an intensity that can’t be smothered by restraints.
Its reason to burn, its spark, is failing.
Just staying alight is not existing.
Its embers fading from bright white to charcoal retreating into itself.
Soon it will escape.
It will be different.
But it will be free.

I love Paulie

A faded photograph, a forgotten moment.
Once it meant something, something to live for, he told them.
The frames were ugly, she said.
The pictures and their meaning banished.
Lost photos of a forgotten moment, dissolving in the darkness.

Wa wa waaaaaa, stupid Thursday.

I have decided that Thursday is stupid and I hate it. Not all Thursdays just this Thursday, today is a really annoying day.

I am in a mega grump, I woke up with a headache and I have lost my paracetamol somewhere in the clothes explosion I call my bedroom. So I just have to deal with the pain in my brain as all my housemates have is ibuprofen and I am allergic to that shit. what a LOW.

Also I have literally no money, HSBC yet again have messed me around. According to HSBull Shit I am not allowed an overdraft, something about my credit rating, which is complete rubbish I checked it and it is fine. So they just didn't want to let me have an overdraft because they are mean. I don't actually mind not having an overdraft as that means all I have to pay back is my student loan and won't have overdraft issues to deal with after I stop being a student in May. But they way they have messed me up this time is bloody annoying, normally when I run out of money I can't take more out of my account if it is not there. On Tuesday my card got declined so I went to a cash point to check how little I had in my account, minus two hundred. HOW!?! I went straight to HSBC to ask about my account and why it was letting me take cash out when I obviously didn't have any. This had obviously been going on for a while I haven't spent two hundred in one go recently. The guy was such a douche, he was really rude and wouldn't even take me to a table to go through it with me to explain it and show me what I had done without realising. Instead he just stood talking to me like a silly little spoiled child and told me that the bank isn't there to watch my account that closely and that I can just go over my limit if I don't check it. Two of his colleagues came over just to listen, it was so humiliating, I left without any understanding of my account and why sometimes it will let me overspend and others it won't. Nearly crying in HSBC was a low.

I have never been amazing with money in all honesty so knowing that at some point I would have to tell my dad has been really bumming me out so I was planning to just wait till my next loan came in and not have to admit that once again I have messed up. But of course my father started talking to me yesterday and I ended up telling him and actually he was really nice about it. I was massively prepared for being shouted at and being told that my inability to budget is astounding but no, he was just really understanding. Snaps for mon papa.

I sent off for my police check yesterday, so I am actually sorting out my visa, I hope it all works out I will be so bummed if I can't go to Canada and will most likely spend my next loan on a trip to Canada if I can't go in October...

Alas I must return to my stupid old disso... Stupid Thursday.

Not quite Gonzo but it's a start...

As of Wednesday i will be a published weekly blogger for a fashion segment on Go City Girl.com. I am MEGA JAZZED!
It is the first step to getting a writing portfolio together, after my disso I will hunt down as many free writing gigs as I can get, this is only the beginning.
But this gig is 300 odd words on a fashion item that I don't like, posted every Wednesday. Which is perfect for me as I am known to be a bit of a rant blogger...

So little time. So much work.

As always when it comes to work i can't seem to motivate myself and am left feeling massively under serious pressure, of my own creation, with more work than I can comprehend and all I want to do is sleep.
looks like I won't get to sleep soundly for a good couple of weeks.



As there is so much work for me to do, and no time to do it, of course I am writing on here, and probably will more than I normally do. Is there ever going to be any logic to my actions?

I doubt it.

I miss my bed.

Dissertation Disaster

I have a cold, which all in all is not so bad really, its not swine flu or anything dramatic, just a bog standard boring old cold. But my issue with this stupid cold is that it is making my head feel ten pounds heavier and my brain feel like rained on candy floss. So you cheeky little cold, can you please hurry up and exit my life as I have a dissertation to fill my time with and no time for blowing my nose through a rainforest's worth of tissues. I will just have to man up and go to boots to get everything I can get my cold infected little hands on to try and salvage this afternoon so I can function enough to do some work.

On a lighter note my Urban outfitters order has arrived and silent witness is on later...

I should have chosen art...

Vacant

Watching with hollow eyes and empty soul she sits, slowly following the movements of his body. The shell is all that remains, circumstances have taken her from herself; the only atrocity is that she let it happen. She lost herself, by not deeming herself worthy. Now she sees no worth in anything. Fractured and fragmented the pieces that remain lay under his feet with every step crushing them to dust. There are no more words. Only the emptiness of dreamless sleep.

Casual Nudity